best gift ever...no...EVER
i have this aunt...
she came to the Pounce vs Pounce scrimmage. she's really cool. there's a point to all this.
sometimes, for no reason, she sends really bizarre gifts; like a bag of peanuts or a silly string or confetti. anyway, my parents were recently in Nashville visiting her and my mom called and said "Nancy wants us to bring back these really crazy things for you. she said you'll love them, but i'm not sure what she was thinking."
naturally, my mind went on a race to think of what it could be. i never guessed. and then i forgot about it.
tonight i was at my parents house, chasing my brother's cat when she bolted into the basement. i took off after her and stopped halfway down the steps when i saw them. forgetting about the gifts from Nancy, i yelled back to my mother "why the hell do you have two _____ down here?!"
"oh! those are yours! that's what Nancy had us bring up for you."
okay, no joke, they're awesome (i realize i have not yet told you what they are). my mom told me if i did not want them, they'd put them out with the garbage, but i was like "are you kidding me, these are the best things ever, why did she have them?!"
she explained: her and my aunt were driving around (keep in mind, this is my dad's sister, not my mom's, and the two sides of the family are vastly different. my mom's family would never ever ever do this) when Nancy saw these in a dumpster. she pulled over, climbed into the dumpster (she's 50 years old) grabbed two and left. when my dad got home from his brother's house, she told him about it, they drove his van back to the dumpster and got SEVEN more.
i use capslock because of what these items are. mannequins. and now i have two. they don't have heads. or arms. or legs below the knee, but they are my favorite things right now. i called to thank Nancy. she told me i could do something artistic with them, and if i needed more, she still had another seven. SEVEN. my aunt (who's 50) went dumpster diving, then took my dad (who's almost 56) and at one point had nine headless, armless, shinless mannequins in her home.
what's weirder? she thought of me when she saw them.
sorry for rambling. i'm just so freaking excited. happy thanksgiving.
she came to the Pounce vs Pounce scrimmage. she's really cool. there's a point to all this.
sometimes, for no reason, she sends really bizarre gifts; like a bag of peanuts or a silly string or confetti. anyway, my parents were recently in Nashville visiting her and my mom called and said "Nancy wants us to bring back these really crazy things for you. she said you'll love them, but i'm not sure what she was thinking."
naturally, my mind went on a race to think of what it could be. i never guessed. and then i forgot about it.
tonight i was at my parents house, chasing my brother's cat when she bolted into the basement. i took off after her and stopped halfway down the steps when i saw them. forgetting about the gifts from Nancy, i yelled back to my mother "why the hell do you have two _____ down here?!"
"oh! those are yours! that's what Nancy had us bring up for you."
okay, no joke, they're awesome (i realize i have not yet told you what they are). my mom told me if i did not want them, they'd put them out with the garbage, but i was like "are you kidding me, these are the best things ever, why did she have them?!"
she explained: her and my aunt were driving around (keep in mind, this is my dad's sister, not my mom's, and the two sides of the family are vastly different. my mom's family would never ever ever do this) when Nancy saw these in a dumpster. she pulled over, climbed into the dumpster (she's 50 years old) grabbed two and left. when my dad got home from his brother's house, she told him about it, they drove his van back to the dumpster and got SEVEN more.
i use capslock because of what these items are. mannequins. and now i have two. they don't have heads. or arms. or legs below the knee, but they are my favorite things right now. i called to thank Nancy. she told me i could do something artistic with them, and if i needed more, she still had another seven. SEVEN. my aunt (who's 50) went dumpster diving, then took my dad (who's almost 56) and at one point had nine headless, armless, shinless mannequins in her home.
what's weirder? she thought of me when she saw them.
sorry for rambling. i'm just so freaking excited. happy thanksgiving.
posted by Anonymous at 10:52 PM
3 Comments:
I've had a couple of interesting tangles with mannekins. One was "Wal-Martha" who was first shoplifted and ended up being molested at a tournament party; one was named "Girlfriend" and was stolen by the kleptomaniac at a mania-phobia themed party in grad school. Watch out, Erin, they tend to wander off and get defiled...
Kara,
I promise not to be, in any way, lude with the mannequins. And I think John is afraid of them, so there's no chance of him being lude either.
One is currently wearing my Pansy sweatshirt to stay warm (and to get my Pansy sweatshirt off the floor).
Kara, that reminds me of my lost friend Manny. He was only a torso & head and used to sit atop our jello shot cooler to guard against thieves. He too was kidnapped, and probably molested. Manny, I miss you, come home.
Additionally, I have seen a cardboard Legolas and the 4 Hobbits all be molested by my old college team. I may or may not have taken part in that. The biggest lesson we learned: 4 Hobbits can scare the shit out of you when you strategically place them in a dark room.
Post a Comment
<< Home